Doorknob Rice

Doorknob Rice is a kind of disgusting rice dish that Siva Prakash used to have for lunch sometimes in Year 8. It contained a mix of brown rice along with various vegetables. Usually it also contained a packet of plain flavoured chips which Siva added after microwaving the rice and vegetables. It received its name because Barney once said it smelled like "roasted doorknobs".

Recipe
As revealed to Barney by Siva, the Recipe for "Doorknob Rice" involves the following (Notes have been added):

1. Go to a White Person's house.

2. Walk inside the house when it is night time because they can't see you


 * (You must assume you are of a darker complexion like Siva. This does admittedly limited the amount of people that can make Doorknob Rice)

3. Throw mashed potato into the White Person's face, as the overwhelming whiteness (or "insuperiorness", as Siva phrased it) will render them blind for a brief period of time.


 * (It is unproven how effective the tossing of the mashed potato is, and whether it will actually blind the White Person. Besides following Siva's logic, the White Person cannot see the intruder anyway)

4. Grab the nearest dog or other four legged animal


 * (Further research is necessary to determine whether the amount of legs of an animal or the possibility of the inclusion of human babies affects the overall dish flavour)

5. Take the animal to the nearest fly screen door, and process the tasty meats through it to make it nice and soft.

6. Finally process the meat through the doorknob of the door to give it the distinctive doorknob flavour.


 * (This motion is presumably through the lock or possibly through the hole where the doorknob is usually attached, once the knob has been removed)

7. The rest of the steps weren't revealed, but presumably they involve some rice and various food products that could be added.

Despite much of the controversy in the recipe, Siva still claims that Doorknob Rice is a vegetarian dish.